The Old Fling

Ah, finally it's you again. Among the guys who keeps coming back, I never count you in. Because I hated you the most. I avoided you at all cost.

Now, all of them had gone. I'm relieved, because it's for the best. But, I can't help but feeling lonely sometimes. And here you are, coming back when I need someone just to talk to at nights. Anyone, I don't even care who. But, there's only you right now.

I guess you're lonely, too. That's why you checked on me every other month, regardless of my coldness. And you're kind of curious, because you knew we had mutual attraction once.

Maybe not once, I don't even remember anymore. We've been doing this thing called flirting since 2014 or 2015. On and off. Hot and cold.

I'm no longer the girl you were attracted to, and so are you. But here we are, after gaining tons of kilograms later, picking up where we left off, because both of us is still keeping the nostalgia.

We are flirting with the memories we had, not with each other. I'm just using you to feel desirable again. You're using me to fill your lonely nights. Unfortunately, it has to be you, it has to be me. Because, there's no one left anymore.

Of course, sometimes I wish there's another scenario where we can be something much more than this. But, the path was never there and never will. This is all we can be to each other.

I don't want us to be attached more than this, so I said to you, "There's no need to update me about your activities."

I tried to limit our interaction, but I guess it's much easier to look for each other. Now, I'm used to you telling me about the trivial things you did before texting me. Now, it feels natural for me to tell you to go to sleep, take a bath, or have lunch. Well, this is too much.

My last defense is weak. I still refuse to update you with my trivial things. I hide my fragile side, avoid telling you about my problems, even the smallest ones. Hopefully, I will never cross that line.

You said I should tell you directly if get angry at you again, not ghosted you like I used to do. But, boy, I think someday I will do it again. Maybe you don't mind we be in this state for as long as possible, but I'm not as easygoing as you think.